30 but still strong
I believe this is the first post for this group. My name is Brianna and currently Im laying down post surgery after having my ovary and fallopian tube removed. As well as the bad stuff in which brought me here to share my thoughts and to remind others they too aren't alone :) I was diagnosed on 8th of November this year with stage one. Although I have my moments, I remember the gratitude in this. A month prior I had intense pain on my right side near my ovary nothing was subsiding the pain after pain killers. I realised this was my ovaries deep down - previously I was told two years earlier I had PCOS which was found after a 9 month bleed (sometimes heavy, sometimes light) my periods were erratic ever since they began at 15 unless on the pill.
For me I went off the pill due to the emotional side effects. I had tried many. Although my body seemed to regulate in the last year on it's own. I still would have problems with my cycle being on and off or the last of it in september was a double period in space of 3 weeks. I knew something wasn't right. A relief to of had the first lot of surgery because a part of me did realise I could of had this tumor for some time without knowing as I was never in any intense pain previously to warrant further ultra sounds / surgery etc (this was whilst I lived in the UK returned back to Oz April 2017)
I am waiting my results all going well I hope to keep my other ovary as I've not had children. For someone like me who has always travelled and chased her goals - this part is what has caused the most emotional pain. To fear the outcome or even to fear the changes in my body. I never thought I would get to 30 and have this. I always thought it was when you're 'older'. But like many of us that I am sure are on here we have learn't to except what life has thrown at us. Finding comfort in expression and our alone moments just like now. For me personally it's harder to be around loved ones and be close to people. I am usually the anchor or helper you could say. That's where my aggression comes in and I tend to push people away.
I try to laugh and tell people it's merely a clitch in the matrix. I'd like to remind myself of my humour and also my compassion. Nature, art and writing are my biggest teachers through this. My voice still means something even though I feel held back so I hope this offers some love and reminder we're all in this together x <3