Don't know what to do

edited November 2019 in Recurrence

hi


I am just about to have the last treatment of my fourth round of chemotherapy. I've been at this including a trial of olaporib which gave me a two year break from actual Chemo.


Dont get me wrong but the longer this goes on the less support I seem to get I think I have just been sick for too long and my family's forgotten and just don't ask anymore. I am so lonely  I work full time around treatment so don't qualify for any concessions even parking at Peter mac is full price for me..I am the only income for the family because my husband has chosen not to work anymore but has not chosen to take on any extra at home . It's hard to explain to outsiders that I don't get help  I made the mistake early on saying that I wanted things to be normal  and my family took it literally  at the moment I just feel vulnerable because Chemo ends tomorrow and I don't know what's next for me  I'm scared the cancer will start to run and I won't beable to catch up where does a cancer patient get help when they work seems like you have to give up to get a break I have to use my holiday pay to cover the time I need off  so if I could get a break I don't have the pay to cover a holiday


sorry for whinging but I have no outlet


 


 


 

Comments

  • Hi cmci1907,


    Firstly, you are not alone!! There are many, many women on this forum that have had similar feelings to yours, myself included.


    Coming to the end of active treatment can be a daunting time. You go from a flurry of appointments with various medical professionals, to virtually nothing. And it can be scary, especially when you feel that you are not receiving the support you would hope for, from your family and friends. Again, you are not alone.  I also 100% understand re the financial constraints you are experiencing... I too used up all of my annual leave, then had to go on leave without pay and then returned to work earlier than I probably should have!! When you have no money coming in, are not eligible for government assistance and have a mortgage to pay, what other choice is there??


    Ovarian Cancer Australia and this forum can be a great support to you during this time. Also, some oncologists and/or treatment centres provide support services that you should be able to access. There are also support groups scattered throughout the state and a telephone support group run by OCA that I have found to be invaluable.


    If none of these options suit you, OCA Connect has private messaging and you are more than welcome to contact me directly for a chat. (Instructions: https://ovariancancer.net.au/forums/topic/a-reminder-oca-connect-has-private-messaging/)


    I hope that this gives you some reassurance that there is support out there... it may take some time to find the right fit though.


    Karen

  • You feel a bit lost when it’s all over but you also feel almost human again. I think it’s time for you to speak up. If you’re not getting the support you need from family and friends tell them, you’ll feel better. I had a similar problem with my now ex-husband. He did nothing to help beyond driving me to treatment.   I’ve been doing this for 7 years and I live in a small town and I understand the feeling of being forgotten. I’ve watched the twin raise thousands for others and I feel a bit abandoned.


    If anyone needs help it’s you, even something a simple as having someone listen to how you are feeling.


    Always here for you.


    Nikki

  • Thank you for your kind words. I have finished the treatment today but no one here even asked how I might feel. I feel on my own to fight with no back up and sort of angry that I only have the ugly sister of cancer and all the help goes to breast cancer. I won't know now til March what might be available to me to keep this fight going and at this point I wonder should I just give in and wait for the inevitable. I put 42 years into a tough marriage. And would have thought the tables might have changed even a bit. Guess I was born into the wrong generation. Turns turns out that there is no concession for parking at Peter Mac even if you are having treatment I will be glad when the trains are back in service..l should be glad Chemo is finished but instead I feel abandoned and scared. Conflicted with fighting on for my grand children and just seeing what will happen if I do nothing


    i would like a holiday but who to go with and finances are the problem. As well as being too far from help


    thanks for listening and showing me I'm not the only one who has family but still has do go it alone


    xxx. :)

  • Yay you finished chemo!!!  It’s such a good feeling.  I feel the same way about the whole poor neglected sister to breast cancer thing.  Clearly ovaries aren’t attractive enough to worry about saving.  What you need to do now if find something just for you, a hobby, a place to go enjoy a coffee, something that is for you and makes you happy.  If I’m upset or stressed about all this I buy shoes.  I have lots.


    ‘Remember that we are hear to listen and it’s healthy to have a good vent.


    Nikki

  • oh nikki


    you make me feel better, and how I wish I could find some me time but it seems that due to mu home situation if I am not working I am minding the grandchildren for my daughter ( I have a special bond with my 9 year old grandson) so that she can make ends meet too. I am looking for a hobbie to do for me around the kids activities   I will find something cause I promised my self I would give myself more this yeat


    i have a great love of my house so even doing small reno's will make me happy. And I can tackle one room at a time on my own around naps. The so called man of the house has no interest so it might be quiet time for me out of my bedroom.


    I am going to Echuca with my daughters for a few days on a houseboat end of January  I will have a good time I know but I also know it will be hardwork because they each work as well and like to fall back int being the child and looked after  hoping this time they will share the load


     


    I am going to keep my chin up and keep going no good doing anything else cause the alternative is much worse


    thank you for listening


    cheryl


     

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